Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Thank you.

Tonight I was feeling a little sorry for myself. Sorry about some recently lost friendships, but then I realized how blessed (? blessed? really ETK? WTF) and lucky I am for the amazing friends I have in my life.

As you all (meaning the 1-2 of you who will actually read this) probably know, Jack died 3 months ago. that last month before he died was extremely trying and traumatic for me. Suddenly this man I had barely known for years. YEARS. comes back into my life and needs help - financial, emotional, legal, whathaveyou. He says he's sorry and sad for the things he's done. He makes those apologies that you know, in your heart of hearts, are the kind of apologies that only a dying man makes. asking forgiveness for his sins, that you can't (whether you believe them or not) deny.

It feels compounded and extra devastating because during that time I lost a few friends that i just didn't expect that from. They just disappeared and removed themselves from my life. You know the friends that are part of that core group, that you just think will always be a part of your life in some way? They disappeared during a time of significant need for me. And, as much as I've tried to take the blame for it over the past few months, it both saddens and pisses me off.

But then, I think about the others. Other, perhaps somewhat unlikely friends or even that core support group you've always depended on that stands up extra tall, that stood out among the pack. You know the ones. The ones that know it adds stress to call so they text multiple times a day just to see how you are. Not even really expecting a reply. The ones who offer to make that 13 hour drive with you. The ones that don't care what your schedule is or theirs but make time to stop by your house for an hour just to have some quality time with you. EVEN IF IT'S NOT REALLY QUALITY. The ones that make time for you to talk you through those last days, hours and tell you what to expect, where to get aid, where to get help and what to do. Give you that permission you need just to feel the way you do and do the things that you don't really want to do (like forcing this man, that you barely know but once really loved to wear a diaper? yeah, those). Those that acknowledge that what you are doing is the right thing, the hard thing and the best thing, all in one? Those that allowed the time needed away from work and responsibilities to attend to family. What would one do without that work family? And the real family, the family in my heart that has loved me and been loved by me for the past 20 years. And the blood family who generously contributed to funeral expenses and provided support to just get through it all, while suffering their own loss.

I don't know if they know that they are the only reason I managed to make it out to the other side. I wish I had more words. to let those people know just how important they are to me. Just how much their support. Their attendance at a wake they hadn't intended to attend. Their attendance at a funeral over an hour from their home, just because we've reconnected on Facebook. Their texts and phone calls and letting me crash at their place when I was mad at Baby. Their (Baby's) apology. The cupcakes delivered over an hour from their hours just because. The hours on the phone with the one and only person I speak to by phone regularly while bawling, drinking and chain smoking. Their love and support when I just really needed it more than any time I have ever needed love and support before in my LIFE. Just how much those little things meant to me. I really think that I can step back from this and say that to date, this has been the one time in my life I have needed others more than any other time in my life. And for those that stood up and stood by me and helped out by providing some kind of support, thank you.

Thank you. I love you all so much. Thanks for making it through that with me.

In honor of that. I vow to pay more attention to those friends. Those who are there and love and support me. Those who don't keep score about who asked who to do something last. Those who don't resent the fact that I am busy and can't always make time for one on one quality time for them. those who fit me into their life and find ways to fit into mine. I vow to make more time for those of you and forget/fuck all the rest. I actually vow to be more selfish of my time. My time with myself, with Baby and with those people. I vow to call you more. I vow to just be a better friend. Instead of spreading myself so thin I vow to focus on those of you who are really really really important to me. I'm cleaning up the fucking clutter, bitches. prepare.

I swear.

Thank you.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Non-Smoking, Please

So, a few months ago, I decided that enough was enough. I have GOT to quit smoking. I remember how easy it was the last time. And you wanna know what? It was even EASIER this time. Here's how I did it:
  1. Make up your mind in advance. I've done it approx 2 months in advance. That way you have time to ruminate on it. Plan for it. Smoke your heart out (hahaha, pun intended).
  2. Set a date and stick to it. I picked 1/1/11.
  3. Smoke every cigarette you have the night before or throw them away when you go to bed.
  4. Also? smoke a SHITLOAD that night before.
  5. On the day you quit, for me anyway, it helps to not leave the house. :)
  6. Distract yourself. Don't think about it. Don't dwell on it. Do something else (but don't make that something be snacking or eating).
  7. Avoid temptation. Not forever, but at least for a few weeks.
  8. If you MUST snack (it's an oral fixation after all), stock up on carrots and celery. I know, they suck but still. Better than smoking or eating cookies.
Interestingly enough the last time I did it, I did go through all the withdrawals - the grumps, extreme irritableness, boredom and restlessness were the most severe symptoms. And when I say severe, I really mean it - I was BORED OUT OF MY MIND WITH NOTHING TO DO BECAUSE I USED TO FILL ALL THIS TIME WITH SMOKING. AND I WAS IRRITABLE!
This time, I was irritable and bored, but it seemed to be much less severe and it lasted a shorter amount of time (like a week vs. a month last time!) Again - distraction works MIRACLES.
Anyway, I want to make a list of the great things about not smoking. This is mostly a reminder to myself, you know, in case I'm tempted to start smoking again!!
Here are all the great things about NOT smoking:
  • So much more time! Think of all the time I've wasted going downstairs to have a smoke, smoking, coming back upstairs (at work).
  • Saving money! it's been 13 days and I've already saved $60!
  • I don't stink any more!!! Yay!
  • I haven't noticed this yet but I remember from last time - I went from teeth cleanings every 4 months to just every 6 months! :-) (ALSO saving time and money!)
  • Within 2-3 days of quitting - I no longer have to clear my throat or cough all the time. It's awesome!!!
  • I do feel better

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving, Bitches!

In honor of Thanksgiving, Ima write a post. A sappy ass post. Mainly because most of the time that I feel like posting, it's because I'm mad or sad about something. I want you all to know what I'm thankful for this year.

2010 has been a very good year for me. I'm such a very lucky person - I have an amazing husband (even if he doesn't mind so well), awesome friends, the most adorable kittehs in the world, and a fabulous (and somewhat glamorous from the outside) job.

That said, here's a list of as many things as I can think of to be thankful for, right now:
  1. Baby, he's really good to me and loves me. IN SPITE of his annoying football schedule and inability to communicate, he's AWESOME.
  2. Maddie, she's the cutest little peanut of a kitteh and loves me SO MUCH. Her sweet little face and awesome night cuddles/licking of my face are adorable!
  3. Mythos, he's my baby boy! So beautiful, regal, soft, and a mama's boy.
  4. Micah, he's always purring, and always stare-y, I also love how much he worships Baby.
  5. My Atlanta friends - oh my god I am so lucky for all of my friends. I have so many too. I'm always thinking about just a few short years ago when I had NO FRIENDS. I'm not kidding. I mean - I had friends, but seriously only ONE that lived in Atlanta. I'm happy for the new and old. My lovelies and all my friends are so important to me.
  6. My Non-Atlanta friends! Man, I'm so lucky to have so many friends spread across the WORLD! This Thanksgiving, I'm thinking of dear friends in Chicago, LA, Paris, Houston, Dallas, NYC, Greensboro, Raleigh, Freeport/Brazoria/Lake Jackson, San Antonio, Italy (somewhere, just not sure where!), Alabama, Oxford, Williamsburg, DC, Arlington, VA, and just all over!!
  7. Shannon's rack - who isn't thankful for that shit??
  8. Jason's health - I'm so thankful that in spite of HIV, Jason is healthy and (relatively?) happy (as happy as Jason gets, lets be honest).
  9. My family - I don't know what I'd do without the H's. All of 'em. TT, Dad, Pups, Alli, Heathers, Craigers. I'm also so happy and thankful that my cousin, L, and I have reconnected over the past couple of years. I love her!!!
  10. Baby's family - I just adore adore adore my SIL. I want her to come visit ALL THE TIME. I'm so thankful that Baby's family is great to me and embraces me. I love them!
  11. Work & my business partners - I love my job. Sure it's stressful and I work a million hours, but I enjoy what I do, I feel appreciated, I feel like I know (mostly) what I'm doing while still have plenty that I don't know so that I'm always learning and growing. My two business partners are AWESOME. Before now I really never knew the people I work for and with could be so much fun. We have a great rapport and communication. I love it!
  12. Happiness - I'm thankful for the fact that I am able to recognize and be happy about all that I have to be thankful for. I'm thankful for my happiness. Some people just can't/don't appreciate what they have.
  13. Health - I'm very thankful that Baby & I are both healthy and able to do whatever we want without limitation.
  14. Facebook & Twitter - I KNOW you guys hate this stuff, but man am I thankful for these online social tools. Without them, travel would be so much harder - but now I get to know about EVERYTHING that everyone is doing to leave me out. I've also reconnected with so many people that I adore and made so many new friends!!! I LOVE THAT!
  15. Our home - Baby and I are so lucky to have such an amazing home. It fits us perfectly!
  16. Our travel - I'm so luck to have a husband that wants and loves to travel as much as I do. And we are incredibly lucky to have the means and ability to do it.

I'm sure that there are a million more things for which I'm thankful, but this thankful ass needs to get in the shower to go eat some of that amazing food Sissy is making for us. I wish everyone of you an amazing and wonderful thanksgiving.

Let the shopping begin!

Friday, October 22, 2010

I have so many blog posts in my head!

And since @GrabMol begged, ima write 'em.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Sometimes...

You just need someone that loves to tell you they do.

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

For The Wino

I had dinner with Kris & Kimmy last night and GOOD GOD I love those
girls! What do you think if have to do to get them to move to Atlanta??

Anyway, I'm about to board a flight home and remembered that Kris said
she wished I'd write down what I want to write posts about so I don't
forget.

I have SO MANY posts floating in my head!

1. Thing to know before you go to Europe
2. A summary of our trip, I'd love to break it up by country and
definitely highlight the restaurants we loved and tell you where NOT
to shop.
3. Tips and tricks for those about to be marrieds.
4. How freaking EXCITED I am about KoCu's upcoming nuptuals and the
fact that they are letting me help plan!!
5. Thoughts, observations, and feelings from a friend's dad's funeral
last week. So MUCH to say about this!!
6. And ode to Kris and all the things I love about her!!

I really REALLY hope I find time to do this. I really appreciate the
support from Kris & DLM to try to make time to write posts. Thanks
ladies!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Food & Stuff

So, if you know me at ALL, you know that I am a relatively picky eater. Doesn't mean I can't find SOMETHING I can/will eat just about anywhere, but it does mean that in most restaurants, my options are typically limited to 1-2 appetizers and 1-2 mains that I will willingly (& happily) indulge in.

Let me tell you - Bosnia & Croatia have been even worse! Thoughout both countries my food options have been EXTREMELY limited:
  1. eggs for breakfast
  2. bread (an endless supply of this, thank god)
  3. margherita pizza
  4. caprese salad
  5. grilled veggies (meaning grilled zucchini & eggplant, nothing else)
a couple of places have also had:

4. chicken with gorgonzola sauce

and then ONE place had:

5. chicken brochettes (grilled skewered chicken drowning in olive oil)

Can I please mention how much I am DYING for a burger? Or anything with flavor?

It is, at least, better than Italy where I ate nothing but margharita pizze, caprese salad & caprese sandwiches for a month. Yep, a month.

Anyway, I won't complain. The scenery is fucking amazing. The people are super nice. And Curran & Korte are ENGAGED (as of 2 days ago)!!! WOOT!

Gotta run, but can't WAIT to share photos. Some are here and on facebook.